Following Trouble

Because Bad Behavior is Fun!




I was Dared...

to kiss the camel in Center City Philadelphia. Why pass up the chance lol.

Me Bored :)


The Captain Save a Ho is probably one of the more complex of the strip club clientele.  He definitely has a savior complex. He can be a decent client but he lacks the realistic sensibility Girlfriend Experience Guy has. The GFE Guy knows that the relationship ends at the strip club door. The Captain fails to realize that strippers are good at forging intense bonds in short periods of time. That is how we make a living.

A variation of the Captain Save a Ho, is one that wants to date a dancer. One he met at a club, but hates her job. He wants the “Pretty Woman” fantasy. He might just want the fantasy in general, which is what stripping is all about. We choose what we share with clients, truth or lies, sometimes a mixture of both. Even if we like you, we know what you see in us is superficial. Strippers are pretty girls and blank slates. Our charm and intelligence are real, but the fantasy created around them isn’t. When he realizes that he isn’t saving her, or that she isn’t the dream he created, what happens then?

On the flip side the Captain might be looking for someone he is “superior” to.  If he can give a girl a home, get her out of stripping, make her dependent on him – he has all the power.

The Captain doesn’t only exist in the strip club universe. He is the type of guy that tells younger women, he wants to be their “mentor” in the same breath as he hits on them. He wants to save them from whatever “hardships” burden their lives. He might act like a disapproving father figure, at times. I tend to think men seeking women who are too young, somehow vulnerable (or appear to be) are the ones with issues. Say what you will about strippers and self-esteem, but the Captains of this world are the ones truly lacking it.

Types of Strip Club Clientele

The Fixture: He never buys dances. He seems to like the scene or the company. He may be stuck in a town for business and just doesn’t want to be alone. He is always polite, buys girls drinks, and tips well. You can’t help but like him, because he is respectful and knows strip club etiquette. On slow days he is great to talk to.

The Player (or wanna be): Acts like they are someone special and that you should be blessed by their mere presence. A player will say things like “Why are you here. Stripping isn’t exactly classy” . I’m sure you could find a better job. I respond with, “Well this pays the bills.” They also will attempt to put down you, the job, anything they can in the spirit of “negging”. One of those neat little tricks taught by Pick-up-artist, it’s all about breaking a girls self esteem, so she won’t realize what a loser she is talking to. The Player also doesn’t tip, doesn’t by dances, but he will give you his number. He might offer to hang out with you after work. He is a grade A time waster.

The Truly Ignorant: They genuinely don’t know how strip clubs work. They believe that dancers are raking in money and paid to be there. We actually pay the club, not the other way around. They don’t know that sitting by the stage usually means you want to tip. Sometimes ignorance is just a guise  for being a jerk. They imply they want a VIP room or intend to get a dance, but it never happens. They want your free time.Usually, explaining how the club works, and that we aren’t being payed a thousand bucks to party ( especially when no one is paying), reveals those that are honestly ignorant, and those that are just jerks. The ill informed will make an attempt to behave better, as much as any drunk person can lol. The jerks don’t care and will continue to waste time.

The Girlfriend Experience (TGE) Guy: He wants to find someone to connect with. He is usually willing to spend money. He tends to prefer conversation over lap grinding. TGE Guy makes a good regular and a good customer. He usually knows the rules of the strip club and doesn’t push for more. He might be lonely and he is seeking companionship.

Spoiled Guy:  Somewhere along the way this guy somehow became accustomed to dancers giving him extras. He will expect far more groping than is legal. And he usually wants more than just to sneak a feel. Strip clubs are not Please Touch Museums, neither is my body. This guy will not pay well, he may even throw a hissy fit if he doesn’t get his way. I don’t think he pays any better to those who do accommodate his needs.


The Cheapo: “I’m just here to watch,” or better yet, “Just here for the drink.” – $10.00 beers are such a steal!


Next up my personal favorite Captain-Save-A-Ho. This guy requires a post all to himself.

Rules to Live By…

Ok rules I make up as I go:
Rule 1.   Always be polite… at first. Politeness is contagious it also throws off the most rude and vulgar people. “No, I’m sorry. Thanks for the offer though,” works great to deflect unwanted attention. This will easily allow you to dodge the pushy mall people trying to give you a sample manicure, when all you want is to buy a new dress and get the fuck out. Don’t linger either, or you might find yourself with a fifty-dollar nail filing set. Smile and keep walking. This also can work when you receive a semi-threatening offer. It might be a catcall followed by a request for your phone number, or two men getting out of a car and asking if you need a ride. Now, if they try to abduct your ass, the politeness ends there.
​Rule 1. Part deux: The switch from Politeness to Bitch Mode can be extremely confusing to your potential abductor. He thought he was capturing a nice naive girl. The joke is on him… hopefully. If you don’t seem scared but angry like “Excuse me, who, the fuck do you think you are talking to? Touch me and you’ll be getting my heel surgically removed from your ass!” While he pauses get the Hell away from him.
      The switch from polite to bitchy can apply to almost any situation. Being a bitch doesn’t mean you act like a crazy person. Screaming obscenities and acting like your boss is kidnapping you, over a minor issue, will end up with security escorting you from the building. Bitch mode just means that you can stand up for yourself and not become a doormat.
Rule 2: Only smile in a mug shot when you haven’t committed mass murder, rape, or pulled a Charles Manson. Ok, if you managed to convince a bunch of dumb people to do your bidding, there could be some humor in that, but you’re still twisted. If you look cute and only have a minor offence, like drugs, smile away! Just be warned you don’t want to look too comfy there – this advice came from a sheriff who was booking me.
Rule 3: If an ex goes homicidal, and you aren’t the target, never admit to knowing them. The same goes for relatives. Think of it like a bad one-night-stand that you happen to run into. Except, it will be reporters, or curious acquaintances, that you run into. Deny, summon your best imitation of an amnesiac and fake shock or confusion. ​I’ve always wondered why long lost ex-girlfriends come out of the woodwork and appear on morning talk shows. If a guy you haven’t seen or dated in 5 or more years shoots up a mall, why would you want to be publicly linked to him and his crime? I don’t even like to admit the toddler having a temper tantrum in isle 5 is mine. I’ve actually faked being the nanny. Other shoppers are much more sympathetic. It helps to utter loudly in a soothing tone, “I know you miss your mom, she is so busy at work. You’ll see her soon sweat heart.” Repeat something similar as you pass different shoppers.
​You’re stuck with a toddler you can’t drop them off at the lost and found and come back later or leave them in an isle. Social services can get weird about things like that.  Once your child gets taken away, there goes your chance at being on the next Teen Mom. If your desperate for fame try a nice reality TV show. You’ll never have to mention that you dated that person that went on a killing spree. Try the bad girls club or better yet the bachelor  – they do background checks on the guy, right?                  
Rule 4: Don’t Eff your married professor. This has nothing to do with morals. You’ll lose respect for him. Especially, if he lets you videotape it – way to risk a career.  Have we learned nothing from the Bill Clinton era and the stained dress?  

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